Ennui….

I seem to be experiencing some sort of creative ennui.

1. I haven’t knit a stitch in over a week. The last time that happened I had a newborn.

2. My spinning wheel has sat untouched since November.

3. My Monthly Apparel aspirations are barely keeping me in the game, but my March effort was a simple knit skirt that still needs some finishing. And if it wasn’t for the fact that Monthly Apparel was my idea, I’m not sure I even would have sewn that.

4. No quilting since the quilt-in I attended in February.

5. Writing? This blog? I made a list of ideas with a very inspirational note to myself, “Write every day!” Yup, that worked.

6. Patterns? Three great ones I should have typed up, proofed and put on Ravelry. Hasn’t happened.

7. Needlework? I bought thread and loved the idea of it. That’s all

So what gives? I’ve been trying to figure that out. It’s been a bit of a dismal winter. And a challenging one, both at home as well as work. And I’ve been tired, more tired than usual. The kind of tired where it seems like too much work to pick up some knitting needles and so I just sit there and watch Netflix. I’m not sure I’ve sat around and just watched TV  (too tired to do anything else) since I was in college. Trapped in a creative ennui, that’s me…

So how do I get out of this funk? I had one realization that I think I’m going to try to work with, thanks to The Skeptic.

He’s been “getting in shape” these days, and as he’s been adding muscle and I, well, haven’t…I decided I needed to buff up and shed the five pounds I put on or else I was headed for the same downward, 2lbs a year problem so many people have. But I was complaining to him that I just can’t find the time, can’t make it work, I needed things just so first: living room tidied up, chores done, boys asleep, carpet vacuumed, early enough that I still had time to do other things before going to bed, blah blah blah. The Skeptic’s reply? “Babe, you just gotta go do it and stop worrying about all that.”

So tonight I did my push-ups and sit-ups and down dogs in my messy bedroom, while to boys were still awake. I cursed the dirty run with every down dog but I did it.

And then I realized, that’s my block with everything. I can’t sew, the room is too messy. I can’t knit the lace shawl, it’s too late and I’ll just fall asleep after two rows anyway. I can’t do that needlepoint, because I don’t know what I’m doing yet and it will take too much time to figure out the stitches. I can’t sew, because I need to go to bed in 30 minutes. Much of my reasoning seems to center around the fact that in my mind, I need these large two or three hour time blocks, a tidy house and no impeding bedtime. And oddly enough, I keep waiting for this to happen.

People, you know me. I have three boys. My imaginary time block never happens. Now and then, when The Skeptic takes them to a movie, but then I still spend half the time tidying. So I’m realizing that enough is enough, time to stop looking for the “just right” time and get my mojo back.

Lastly,  little something to show I’m not totally off my rocker here. I am somehow, producing a scrappy short sleeved cardigan of sorts. Stopped at the sleeves, because that means I have to think and it’s already 9:30. Who can do sleeves at 9:30 at night? Apparently I’m going to try anyway….

Am I doomed to have that bottom garter stitch edge roll up? I think I am.